So who do you believe????

So when your baby cries and cries and cries and you question every ounce of competence you thought you had, you look for a book. I wanted answers. I wanted a solution. I wanted someone who knew what to do. So who helped me????

First.....all hail Dr. Sears. He knows about these "high need" babies and has written books dedicated to them and them only. Even though I haven't been able to completely convert to a full attachment parent, I appreciate his(and his wife's)insight into what is going through the minds of these wee ones. It was a relief to hear him respect my instincts as a mother. I am not on board with the cry it out method.......my heart just can't take it. And btw, high need howlers can blow away any statistic quoted by any sleep trainer. What should be a 15 minute cry can become two hours of terror with a fussy baby. If your gut is telling you to pick up your baby and comfort him, DO IT. Listen to your gut. Thank you Dr Sears for affirming me in this.

Speaking of affirmation....big thanks to Elizabeth Pantley, author of The No Cry Sleep Solution. Though I haven't been consistent in implementing her techniques, I do credit her with helping me get dear Jude on a nap schedule. I'm gonna start her stuff soon though as I am desperate for a full nights sleep.

Who did not help me......The Baby Whisperer, Weissenbluth, the Ezzos(even though they have revised their advice, it still isn't right) and anyone else whose best answer seemed to be, "just let them cry."

Dr Ferber offers a kinder, gentler crying method in his book and is willing to admit that the crying method just won't work for some babies. I did implement some of his advice and I was able to get Jude to start falling asleep on his own with relatively few tears. He is a sleep doctor and reading about a babies sleep cycle was enlightening.

In essence, I combined Ferber/Sears/Pantley and made my own rules which have been semi-successful. Nothing is perfect with a fussy baby. They break all molds and stereotypes so please don't expect the things that work for everyone you know to work for your special little wailer.

It just takes time. As they get older, more alert and more mobile, the fussines decreases. Jude and I had a wonderful day yesterday and today and I remember lying in my bed last night thinking of how relieved I was to finally be enjoying so many moments with my baby. Five months ago, I would lie in bed at night and cry just thinking about how in the world I was going to make it through one more day.

I made it....you will too.